A better life
I've gone through my happiest day of my life outside the camp recently.
I'm abit outdated in my current world because I'm in another world in weekdays. I'm happier as in I dun need to bother about the outside world, but then again... I dun have much freedom inside.
Still I hope to come out as soon as possible, because I choose to be free.. and when I'm free... hopefully... things will be better.
It is improving.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Treasure
Okie... I'm not allowed to leak information related to the force, so I'll talk about something else.
Just read my cousin's blog about grandpa, in my mind he is still alive, in the tea area... look so powerful... I can't really accept his sudden death. I recalled that he likes to talk to my cousin, he would smile in almost every conversation with my cousin, it's a golden smile.
I wanted to tell him that I've grown up, to tell him that he is someone I respect alot. If only he is still alive.
That day... I was one of the few to see him go, I told myself he was still alive at that moment just like what others thought. But my dad told me that he is gone forever, the breathing in the dead body was just the hospital machine functioning inside his dead body.
about 7 years have passed, time flies... and now I'm already in my ns. I dun trust people easily, it really takes time for me to trust my bunkmate. I have a few good brothers inside, even so... I always have the thinking that after we POP we will have our own seperate ways to go and we'll be drifted away slowly. So many people treat friendship so lightly and no one will be there for us forever because one day we'll have to go.
After my ns I'm going to visit my relatives in China and USA, I want to know my relatives, I want to visit my home, China.
Life is short, treasure everyone... everything... before it is too late.
"What have you done will make a fullest everyone." Heard this song in my eating corner in camp.
Okie... I'm not allowed to leak information related to the force, so I'll talk about something else.
Just read my cousin's blog about grandpa, in my mind he is still alive, in the tea area... look so powerful... I can't really accept his sudden death. I recalled that he likes to talk to my cousin, he would smile in almost every conversation with my cousin, it's a golden smile.
I wanted to tell him that I've grown up, to tell him that he is someone I respect alot. If only he is still alive.
That day... I was one of the few to see him go, I told myself he was still alive at that moment just like what others thought. But my dad told me that he is gone forever, the breathing in the dead body was just the hospital machine functioning inside his dead body.
about 7 years have passed, time flies... and now I'm already in my ns. I dun trust people easily, it really takes time for me to trust my bunkmate. I have a few good brothers inside, even so... I always have the thinking that after we POP we will have our own seperate ways to go and we'll be drifted away slowly. So many people treat friendship so lightly and no one will be there for us forever because one day we'll have to go.
After my ns I'm going to visit my relatives in China and USA, I want to know my relatives, I want to visit my home, China.
Life is short, treasure everyone... everything... before it is too late.
"What have you done will make a fullest everyone." Heard this song in my eating corner in camp.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Important days 14 May 2004 & 6 April 2005...Impacts of my life. Just want to remind myself. I'll always remember these 2 important days of my life. Oh btw... Looking forward to my POP in 3 months time. Want to get out of there as soon as possible. Job course will start next week, I'll be staying there for 10 days. Hope that everything will be better, please pray for me.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Days with hair
Ah.. smiling with freedom!
My younger bro and me
My younger brother's sis and me. Hahaha... not funny.
I kinda miss my hair, these photos are all taken from the malacca retreat. Heard a rumour from people, do you know why we have to cut botha hairstyle before we go in to ns? That's because we will lose our confident when we are botha, we will lose our pride and everything.
Even myself find it hard to understand this kind of saying but I remember a incident, I grew up in a gangster enviroment as I was a Normal Tech student in my secondary school days. There was this handsome beng (gangster), very daring, very confident, like to keep his hair long, he won't cry no matter how many times my discipline master caned him. To him public caning is nothing and because of this he always misbehave himself in school but one day, my discipline master caught him not keeping his hair short and he cut a hole in his hair... guess what? He cried for the first time.
So funny... You might be thinking, the true reasons for botha rules in ns are
1. So that we can be fast, no need to care about our hair appearance
2. So that we will all look the same
if that's the case, then why my senior are allowed to keep their hair? They work as a squad too! One more thing, whats the point of make us all the same? To make them harder to regconise who is who? (They really can't regconise the IC they apointed at the first day) One more question... why they cut all prisoners botha? So that they will all look the same too? What's the point right? It will only increase more troubles for themselve.
Once we lose our pride, confident and everything... we will be humble and after they let us have this kind of mentality, after that... even if we are not botha, but we will still be the old botha infront of our superior.
It's a psychology thing... I think.
Ah.. smiling with freedom!
My younger bro and me
My younger brother's sis and me. Hahaha... not funny.
I kinda miss my hair, these photos are all taken from the malacca retreat. Heard a rumour from people, do you know why we have to cut botha hairstyle before we go in to ns? That's because we will lose our confident when we are botha, we will lose our pride and everything.
Even myself find it hard to understand this kind of saying but I remember a incident, I grew up in a gangster enviroment as I was a Normal Tech student in my secondary school days. There was this handsome beng (gangster), very daring, very confident, like to keep his hair long, he won't cry no matter how many times my discipline master caned him. To him public caning is nothing and because of this he always misbehave himself in school but one day, my discipline master caught him not keeping his hair short and he cut a hole in his hair... guess what? He cried for the first time.
So funny... You might be thinking, the true reasons for botha rules in ns are
1. So that we can be fast, no need to care about our hair appearance
2. So that we will all look the same
if that's the case, then why my senior are allowed to keep their hair? They work as a squad too! One more thing, whats the point of make us all the same? To make them harder to regconise who is who? (They really can't regconise the IC they apointed at the first day) One more question... why they cut all prisoners botha? So that they will all look the same too? What's the point right? It will only increase more troubles for themselve.
Once we lose our pride, confident and everything... we will be humble and after they let us have this kind of mentality, after that... even if we are not botha, but we will still be the old botha infront of our superior.
It's a psychology thing... I think.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
3rd book out
I'm back again... mood slightly better, heard that something happened and that makes my life easier.
Hm.. next week is the last week for my prep course, the week after next is my confinement week as I will be going through my police training. Will be learning lots of things, Taekwando, weapons training: melee weapon, rifle and pistol training, life saving for swimming and also we need to study the law modules.
How's everyone? I have been very self centered these few weeks... so sorry... I hope after I post out, I can still be your blessing... ok? See you..
I'm back again... mood slightly better, heard that something happened and that makes my life easier.
Hm.. next week is the last week for my prep course, the week after next is my confinement week as I will be going through my police training. Will be learning lots of things, Taekwando, weapons training: melee weapon, rifle and pistol training, life saving for swimming and also we need to study the law modules.
How's everyone? I have been very self centered these few weeks... so sorry... I hope after I post out, I can still be your blessing... ok? See you..
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Loneliness
Loneliness is feeling my heart right now as I'm preparing for my second book in, I hate this kind of feeling... It's hard to explain, it's like going in to one of the cell in the prison once again. I know when I step in to the place again, I am no more myself again, I belongs to the police force every single min till the eating and sleeping time.
No one is with me now, I have to take my leave... just me... and God.
Looking forward to my next bookout. See you guys again.
Loneliness is feeling my heart right now as I'm preparing for my second book in, I hate this kind of feeling... It's hard to explain, it's like going in to one of the cell in the prison once again. I know when I step in to the place again, I am no more myself again, I belongs to the police force every single min till the eating and sleeping time.
No one is with me now, I have to take my leave... just me... and God.
Looking forward to my next bookout. See you guys again.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Toughest Life Yet
If you happen to see me, or even chat with me on msn... please do not try to make me mad. I'm sorry, I dun sound nice.. and I can't bring myself to be nice... so... ya please do understand.
Who can understand my life now? Hmm.. maybe some NS guy can... but this kind of thing is very personal. No one is with you, I have to help myself, I am all alone. I have to endure to the end...
Go ahead and laugh if you want, just dun laugh infront of me.. can? Please.. I'm not trying to be dramatic or what... or act or whatever you want to say... just.. If I dosen't sound nice.. please forgive me... for I'm going through my toughest part of life. This is life, my life.
If you happen to see me, or even chat with me on msn... please do not try to make me mad. I'm sorry, I dun sound nice.. and I can't bring myself to be nice... so... ya please do understand.
Who can understand my life now? Hmm.. maybe some NS guy can... but this kind of thing is very personal. No one is with you, I have to help myself, I am all alone. I have to endure to the end...
Go ahead and laugh if you want, just dun laugh infront of me.. can? Please.. I'm not trying to be dramatic or what... or act or whatever you want to say... just.. If I dosen't sound nice.. please forgive me... for I'm going through my toughest part of life. This is life, my life.
Monday, June 13, 2005
Last words
Okie I'm going in to police academy tomorrow.. so I'll be missing a while. Promise myself again... must be more mature when I come out... cool and mature! :P So now, let me spend sometime on my last words before I go in.
God is in control/God's beautiful creation
Things will only come to past after our heavenly father approved it, just want to be thankful to Him.. for preventing something to happen, guess I will lose something valuable if He allows.
So why do bad things still happen? It is to prevent something even worst from occuring. Let just say all the people that participates in the bad incidents are saving you from falling into a bigger hole.
So no matter what happens, give thanks to Him..
I'm going to spend something to talk about my keyboard coach, though she is just my make up lesson coach... but I find her very sweet, very sweet looking, with spect and she'll sing songs that we need to play for the lessons... her sound is even more sweet! High pitch tone, with her contemperory way of singing.. I really fell in love with her voice..
I dun like to count the beats when playing music.. but she always say "1 and 2 and 3 and 4 E and A" and the sound is like so cute... that makes me like counting. Haha... okie... anyway she told me "veryyy goood" for my piano presentation. Praise God.. byebye sweet coach.. hope I can see you in the future course I taking.
Anyway.. just admire this kind of girl.. thats all.. dun anyhow think... haha.. just felt very amazing with God's creation!
Okie I'm going in to police academy tomorrow.. so I'll be missing a while. Promise myself again... must be more mature when I come out... cool and mature! :P So now, let me spend sometime on my last words before I go in.
God is in control/God's beautiful creation
Things will only come to past after our heavenly father approved it, just want to be thankful to Him.. for preventing something to happen, guess I will lose something valuable if He allows.
So why do bad things still happen? It is to prevent something even worst from occuring. Let just say all the people that participates in the bad incidents are saving you from falling into a bigger hole.
So no matter what happens, give thanks to Him..
I'm going to spend something to talk about my keyboard coach, though she is just my make up lesson coach... but I find her very sweet, very sweet looking, with spect and she'll sing songs that we need to play for the lessons... her sound is even more sweet! High pitch tone, with her contemperory way of singing.. I really fell in love with her voice..
I dun like to count the beats when playing music.. but she always say "1 and 2 and 3 and 4 E and A" and the sound is like so cute... that makes me like counting. Haha... okie... anyway she told me "veryyy goood" for my piano presentation. Praise God.. byebye sweet coach.. hope I can see you in the future course I taking.
Anyway.. just admire this kind of girl.. thats all.. dun anyhow think... haha.. just felt very amazing with God's creation!
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Drama Experience
Drama stories come from real life, as I grow... I started to hear, see and even experience things we see from drama. There are alot of things I want in life right now so badly, I love so much, I miss so badly and I haven't own them yet... but at least... nothing reject the things I invested. At least it is not a no for me to reach what I want, what I desire....
There's one thing I think it's nice to have in drama, we see true friendship... even when someone didn't appreciate what you invested, they still love them.. I have yet to experience it, but I know it exist in this present day. How nice!
Drama stories come from real life, as I grow... I started to hear, see and even experience things we see from drama. There are alot of things I want in life right now so badly, I love so much, I miss so badly and I haven't own them yet... but at least... nothing reject the things I invested. At least it is not a no for me to reach what I want, what I desire....
There's one thing I think it's nice to have in drama, we see true friendship... even when someone didn't appreciate what you invested, they still love them.. I have yet to experience it, but I know it exist in this present day. How nice!
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