The War Against Tiredness

Taking part a BOWLING COMPETITION at 2.30pm today! NS TRACOM vs Civil Defence. CHEERS!

Hello guys! I'm back... the reason why I kept quiet for so long ermm... ya those who know me well enough... I'm sure you will know what's going on in my life right now. Oh well... if you do not know, then maybe you just know me as Emil not a close friend ya?

Okie cut the joke... but I still think it make sense.

Recently everyone is feeling tired and I'm starting to know why singaporeans is always so tired. Myself is a good example, came back at about 8pm, after bath and dinner 9pm... after checking blogs and emails 9.45pm.. yeah I usually received lots of mail everyday. After that take a fast break, 10pm, after devotion 10.30pm (Usually)... then chit chatting with friends on the phone about 11+ or sometimes 12+ but usually 11+... I wanted to do more... to read more books and stuffs, to listen to sermons and upgrade myself but I just fell asleep with my pc on and stuffs on the table. Wasting electricity...

I have outside commitment, church commitment... this week... it burns my night time!!! Almost every single night!! Imagine I'm shifting to HTA in chua chu kang... I'll probably come back at 8.30pm or even later!

I'm tired... but I'm happy... my life is getting exciting yet I still have lots of things to breakthrough. I still can't win the war with my physical tiredness... the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, especially after my trainee day, my sleeping time is more disciplined. After 12+ automatically will fall asleep, not like last time 3+ am or 4+ am still must force myself to sleep!

I'm feeling helpless but I know only God can make a way in my life, Lord, I'm helpless, no one can give me strength, but those who rest in you will be granted fresh oil from heaven.

Twenty Something Soon

Sent : Friday, August 1, 2003 12:49 PM
To : emilniz@hotmail.com

hAO hA...reMeBeR MI AnT???LoNg TiMe No CHat WiF u liAO....hW r U ???FiNe aNT???HeHe..I mIsS U u nOE????hWs LiFe NwAdAyS???? fInE???wIsH So N wISH tO hEaR frM u SoON yEaH???ReMmBeR tO rEpplY Mi A S a p K?????gTG BYeZ..tAkE CaRe yeAh???ByEz

Just read an old mail when I'm clearing my emails today. 2 years ago... just started my private school life, that time still play abit of irc with my sec school friends.. those were the days... playful... and happening... know nothing... just want to have fun.. thats all. But in the same year... things started to change my mindset... and force my mind to think far....

Recently alot of things flooded my mind, just like ocean rise... I've been thinking alot of things... but I can't find any ans.

I'm starting to think for my future, worried about myself, my life... my 21st birthday next year... "what for worry for your birthday? Siao ta bo..." Nah.. I have lots of aim to acheive before my 21st birthday...

No no no... nothing can stop me... I really have too much things to do... and I'm not telling anyone. "Oh yea? Then YOU are a selfish person." Hey... I'm abit stressed out... can you stop pressuring me you idiot? What's there to share when nobody can really help me? After all... I will get all the teasing from people. "Hey... did I ever tease you before?" Not you... but believe me... humans are humans. Well.. I really need time to improve on myself...

I will be back to my office tomorrow... "Good morning AQSM." Answering calls... doing all kinds of secreterial, admin, IT and General jobs. *Yawn...* I love to work... but I need more time for myself. Time is so precious. Maybe I should create a jail for myself. I'm tired.

Lack of time

Most of the time I came back at about 8 something after work and next time probably will be at about 9+. TRACOM is shifting to Chua Chu Kang, and that means I must wake up even earlier.

I dun have much of my own time, for self study, for self upgrading... and no time to exercise too. Duh... need to go to work now...

Who am I?

Just now I called two persons to clarified something... two diffrent things on diffrent incidents.

A guy and a gal.

The guy is one of my very good friend, I invested alot on him... I gave everything I know to him.. maybe to him is little, but that's just the little I know.

Sometimes I wonder if I say the truth... will it affect our relationship? I hope not... because.. I really care for him, as a real friend... if not... I think I wouldn't say anything. I'm proud of him and I know he will continue to make me even more proud than before in the future...

The gal... one of my old friend... I listened to her... and probably that's the last time to listen... because I guess it has come to an end. Everything will be alright... In her days ahead... I guess I shall not talk about it again, all the best to her new challenges ahead.

After so many stories... after so many comments I gave... now it's time for me to look at myself... I'm having a good life in TRACOM... everyday is a happy day... really hope that I can shine for Him everyday in my workplace. I begin my serving once again and I wanted to resume my self study again.

A peaceful period of life... but tonight... after hearing two stories.. I begin to wonder... now... myself.... I'm back to my own story... I still need to face it again... there are really diffrent parts of me deep inside my heart, I'm kinda playful, serious, talkertive, quiet and so on... though I always joke alot with certain people... but deep inside my heart I felt very dissatisfied... so many things inside I kept to myself... there are so many times I wanted to talk about something that make sense.. but.. just couldn't bring it out.. sometimes... I'll just choose easiest mood and that is joke around and keep myself happy right?

I dun like to be childish, really... please do not discourage me by laughing at me... deep inside my heart is struggling... I have my own stress...it's like especially towards young people I will tend to act like them... just like parents act like kids when they talk to kids. I felt more enjoyed when I talk "make sense" thingy with people... yup...

Well... after caring so much about what others feel... it's time for me to leave everything to God... I think my attitude towards life is more important... So.. ya... time to sleep... gotto work OT tomorrow till 10... a long day... I just hope everything will be alright tomorrow... Goodnight.

3rd week of October

Okie... time for me to talk again... wow man... what a busy week... what a "packed" week. This week is quite a happening week.

I'll start from my job, I have young and pretty civillian supervisor. She's a AQSM (Assistant Quality Service Manager), she will be doing most of the things in the dept. Basically, we have to deal with three things:

1. SSS (Im dealing with the administration job for this sugguestion system)

2. WITS (Im dealing with the administration job for this project for officers)

3. Innovation (Creative invention from officers, basically I have to be creative in order to assist my supervisor in pushing this event/project and that includes creating website...)

4. Store (She is in charge of one of our TRACOM store too, and our office is inside the store... though she have another SA to run the store but when nobody is around, I have to help them to look after the store. So it is somekind of store assistant job.)

Most of the time I will be sending lots of emails, printing emails, file them in order and I need to attend meetings at times to do MOM (Minutes of Meeting).

Anyway... It's a rojak job scope, or you can call it "General Work". At times I need to carry things, sell things in carnival or other events at outdoor, you know what? That means, I might need to go back on weekends! But luckily we can claim our OT.

Well my sis say something about she's so call the pianist for the chinese baptism service, and you know what? I'm the backup of chinese baptism, from the day I baptise till now I have been singing for chinese baptism service anually. Haha... I'm quite happy today, the baptism service is fun. Have been singing from morning till evening, leading worship tomorrow... think I'll continue my happening things some other day. Goodnight.

What is general saying?

I'm on SA (Staff Assistance) course, found out something... SA job scope is very wide, basically we are to do all the admin and secreterial jobs like checking and replying mails, checking and replying e-mails, filling, minutes of meeting. Well, dun think that is all for us... No.. we still need to handle general works and all kinds of unexpected jobs like washing car, dispatch or even letter delivery job.

Ocassionally, we still need to go for patrol if they need people. Rojak job scope. Intresting eh? Hope I will be posted to a good department.

By the way... just received the staff pass for police academy, with that pass... life will be much more better. Don't ask me why... Haha..

Let me talk abit tonight, now it's about 1.55am...

I realise that our lives can be very diffrent... and sometimes diffrent paths can drift us apart. I always think that we must treasure our friendships, it's good to exchange testimonies and talk abit at times.. I find it quite fun.. maybe it's exciting to see friends becoming diffrent everytime we meet.

And that is why I publish this blog, we can exchange stories and talk all I want... it's not specifilly for a group of people... but it's for everyone... sometimes... I wonder, what is my purpose of writting? Who is my targeted audience? Hmm.... Should be me, myself and you.

Maybe through words.. it is easier for us to express ourselves, in a directly or indirectly way... It is nice to take the pics of our growing proccess in this reliaty world. It's fun to look back...

My sayings is simplified for all... maybe one day God will tell me who is my targeted audience... who knows?

Girls United

Tonight... I want to spend some of my times talking about gers..

So how should I start? Hmm.. good question... should start from my elder sister, a sweet lady with a noble flavour and yet decent. She is a pianist with a soft heart or should I say sensitive to God.

That day in the late afternoon... I observed her hands lifted up to God, totally surrender to him that day.. she look desperate... for God of course.

Gals are emotional... therefore.. they can be much more sensitive at times.

Outwardly... she looks childish... or maybe was I the one who light up her childishness... at times she will jump with me... heheh... Okie... anyway now she look much more mature than before. When she talk about serious thing.. you can sense her age.. Okie.. thats what I really want to talk about.

Girls are all mature (yet childish) inside... they look childish... while guys look more mature outside but inside struggling in fire.

Anyway.. RY thanks for your demostration... hahaa...

back to the topic... do you think guys are united among themself? Think carefully...

I'm going through the fire stage... well whatever you gals will call it... growing stage? Maturization age? Or dunno what thing... heard from my OC today.. even he himself near to the age of 30 is struggling with this kind of things.

I know... things is starting to change... guys.... guys... guys..

No More

It's time for me to speak again, I kinda miss my notorious squad. I actually wanted to publish our lovely photos at tracom... our happy yet stressful days! Our barrack photos is really intresting, you guys very seldom will see me with my singlet right? Haha.. too bad I am not allowed to publish them.

Let me spend sometime to conclude my life after BPT.

I started off very stressful back to the prep course days and I showed my temper to some of my friends when I'm off duty. Sorry... Well, I'm basically quite weak in everything but luckily in the end... I think I did quite a good job. I'm good at shooting, I'm a marksman and I think through out the whole course.. shooting is the best!

Since young I long to carry a gun, so one of my childhood dreams fulfilled. Since young I always wanted to become a police. Haha.. but when I have grown up.. no more... but anyway.. another childhood dream fulfilled!

Well back to the topic.. I've learn to be even more humble after BPT and treat every part of my life as a challange. Used to have alot of my own mindsets... but now no more... Used to be very afraid of scoldings now no more... It's just like listening to orders... simple as that.. job scopes stuff... ya...

I was once away from reliaty and now I'm back again.

I have alot to catch up.

I am no more.

Passing Out Parade

As we go on, we remember All the times we had together And as our lives change Come whatever, We will still be friends forever -Friends Forever - Vitamin C

It's time for us to say goodbye... nonono... we will still see each other until thursday..