Perfection

Really should be proud of myself, I didn't lost the key. I didn't lost any key in entire PNS career! What a miracle, I'm the key holder most of the time. Anyway... wish me all the best as I am on the journey... closer and closer to the ark.

Just threw the flag to the ark, nothing can stop me.

We ought to get into the perfection, it's the pathway of life. No, it's never a location in our lives.

Delight Myself

I lost my office key, why am I such a forgetful person? Am I the one who misplaced the key?

No one is perfect, but we are all in the pathway towards perfection. Expectation, high expectation... as my enermy is myself. I dun wan to give up, I am the head and not the tail and greater is He inside of me.

I felt I did move... because the sms just arrive in time.

Delight myself.

True Heart Recovery

"Listen to it, read the book."

If only I do everything accordingly, things will be better.

It's not too late to start now. I'm back.

I've stop writting for a while, I promise myself again and again. Looks like... things are changing.

Finally I am starting to appreciate shapes of situation at that moment when I was sitting at my office (my desk)... just wanted to say "I love you." and I will never be the same again. Thanks for the people who is always there to help, you know who you are. I love writting, but if... my writting dun match my heart.. then what's the point?

Pulled

Just when things started to change... something happened. I dun exactly know what happened.

It is always so easy to say, but who knows how hard is it for me in my situation?

Do you know what is physical tiredness? Do you? It's always so easy to say.

I'm just a young adult, just starting to step out a little closer to reliaty, not that close and not that far. I dun even have time to cut my own hair for inspection, it's easy for people who is much more free than me to lecture people.

Ok I better stop complaining, conclusion is still myself... I still need to be strech even more.

I will make it. With His help.

Killing Myself

The greatest enermy is myself.

Kill myself. I will be killed soon.

I will not talk again... until I'm killed.

The War Against Tiredness

Taking part a BOWLING COMPETITION at 2.30pm today! NS TRACOM vs Civil Defence. CHEERS!

Hello guys! I'm back... the reason why I kept quiet for so long ermm... ya those who know me well enough... I'm sure you will know what's going on in my life right now. Oh well... if you do not know, then maybe you just know me as Emil not a close friend ya?

Okie cut the joke... but I still think it make sense.

Recently everyone is feeling tired and I'm starting to know why singaporeans is always so tired. Myself is a good example, came back at about 8pm, after bath and dinner 9pm... after checking blogs and emails 9.45pm.. yeah I usually received lots of mail everyday. After that take a fast break, 10pm, after devotion 10.30pm (Usually)... then chit chatting with friends on the phone about 11+ or sometimes 12+ but usually 11+... I wanted to do more... to read more books and stuffs, to listen to sermons and upgrade myself but I just fell asleep with my pc on and stuffs on the table. Wasting electricity...

I have outside commitment, church commitment... this week... it burns my night time!!! Almost every single night!! Imagine I'm shifting to HTA in chua chu kang... I'll probably come back at 8.30pm or even later!

I'm tired... but I'm happy... my life is getting exciting yet I still have lots of things to breakthrough. I still can't win the war with my physical tiredness... the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, especially after my trainee day, my sleeping time is more disciplined. After 12+ automatically will fall asleep, not like last time 3+ am or 4+ am still must force myself to sleep!

I'm feeling helpless but I know only God can make a way in my life, Lord, I'm helpless, no one can give me strength, but those who rest in you will be granted fresh oil from heaven.

Twenty Something Soon

Sent : Friday, August 1, 2003 12:49 PM
To : emilniz@hotmail.com

hAO hA...reMeBeR MI AnT???LoNg TiMe No CHat WiF u liAO....hW r U ???FiNe aNT???HeHe..I mIsS U u nOE????hWs LiFe NwAdAyS???? fInE???wIsH So N wISH tO hEaR frM u SoON yEaH???ReMmBeR tO rEpplY Mi A S a p K?????gTG BYeZ..tAkE CaRe yeAh???ByEz

Just read an old mail when I'm clearing my emails today. 2 years ago... just started my private school life, that time still play abit of irc with my sec school friends.. those were the days... playful... and happening... know nothing... just want to have fun.. thats all. But in the same year... things started to change my mindset... and force my mind to think far....

Recently alot of things flooded my mind, just like ocean rise... I've been thinking alot of things... but I can't find any ans.

I'm starting to think for my future, worried about myself, my life... my 21st birthday next year... "what for worry for your birthday? Siao ta bo..." Nah.. I have lots of aim to acheive before my 21st birthday...

No no no... nothing can stop me... I really have too much things to do... and I'm not telling anyone. "Oh yea? Then YOU are a selfish person." Hey... I'm abit stressed out... can you stop pressuring me you idiot? What's there to share when nobody can really help me? After all... I will get all the teasing from people. "Hey... did I ever tease you before?" Not you... but believe me... humans are humans. Well.. I really need time to improve on myself...

I will be back to my office tomorrow... "Good morning AQSM." Answering calls... doing all kinds of secreterial, admin, IT and General jobs. *Yawn...* I love to work... but I need more time for myself. Time is so precious. Maybe I should create a jail for myself. I'm tired.

Lack of time

Most of the time I came back at about 8 something after work and next time probably will be at about 9+. TRACOM is shifting to Chua Chu Kang, and that means I must wake up even earlier.

I dun have much of my own time, for self study, for self upgrading... and no time to exercise too. Duh... need to go to work now...

Who am I?

Just now I called two persons to clarified something... two diffrent things on diffrent incidents.

A guy and a gal.

The guy is one of my very good friend, I invested alot on him... I gave everything I know to him.. maybe to him is little, but that's just the little I know.

Sometimes I wonder if I say the truth... will it affect our relationship? I hope not... because.. I really care for him, as a real friend... if not... I think I wouldn't say anything. I'm proud of him and I know he will continue to make me even more proud than before in the future...

The gal... one of my old friend... I listened to her... and probably that's the last time to listen... because I guess it has come to an end. Everything will be alright... In her days ahead... I guess I shall not talk about it again, all the best to her new challenges ahead.

After so many stories... after so many comments I gave... now it's time for me to look at myself... I'm having a good life in TRACOM... everyday is a happy day... really hope that I can shine for Him everyday in my workplace. I begin my serving once again and I wanted to resume my self study again.

A peaceful period of life... but tonight... after hearing two stories.. I begin to wonder... now... myself.... I'm back to my own story... I still need to face it again... there are really diffrent parts of me deep inside my heart, I'm kinda playful, serious, talkertive, quiet and so on... though I always joke alot with certain people... but deep inside my heart I felt very dissatisfied... so many things inside I kept to myself... there are so many times I wanted to talk about something that make sense.. but.. just couldn't bring it out.. sometimes... I'll just choose easiest mood and that is joke around and keep myself happy right?

I dun like to be childish, really... please do not discourage me by laughing at me... deep inside my heart is struggling... I have my own stress...it's like especially towards young people I will tend to act like them... just like parents act like kids when they talk to kids. I felt more enjoyed when I talk "make sense" thingy with people... yup...

Well... after caring so much about what others feel... it's time for me to leave everything to God... I think my attitude towards life is more important... So.. ya... time to sleep... gotto work OT tomorrow till 10... a long day... I just hope everything will be alright tomorrow... Goodnight.