Killing Myself

The greatest enermy is myself.

Kill myself. I will be killed soon.

I will not talk again... until I'm killed.

The War Against Tiredness

Taking part a BOWLING COMPETITION at 2.30pm today! NS TRACOM vs Civil Defence. CHEERS!

Hello guys! I'm back... the reason why I kept quiet for so long ermm... ya those who know me well enough... I'm sure you will know what's going on in my life right now. Oh well... if you do not know, then maybe you just know me as Emil not a close friend ya?

Okie cut the joke... but I still think it make sense.

Recently everyone is feeling tired and I'm starting to know why singaporeans is always so tired. Myself is a good example, came back at about 8pm, after bath and dinner 9pm... after checking blogs and emails 9.45pm.. yeah I usually received lots of mail everyday. After that take a fast break, 10pm, after devotion 10.30pm (Usually)... then chit chatting with friends on the phone about 11+ or sometimes 12+ but usually 11+... I wanted to do more... to read more books and stuffs, to listen to sermons and upgrade myself but I just fell asleep with my pc on and stuffs on the table. Wasting electricity...

I have outside commitment, church commitment... this week... it burns my night time!!! Almost every single night!! Imagine I'm shifting to HTA in chua chu kang... I'll probably come back at 8.30pm or even later!

I'm tired... but I'm happy... my life is getting exciting yet I still have lots of things to breakthrough. I still can't win the war with my physical tiredness... the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, especially after my trainee day, my sleeping time is more disciplined. After 12+ automatically will fall asleep, not like last time 3+ am or 4+ am still must force myself to sleep!

I'm feeling helpless but I know only God can make a way in my life, Lord, I'm helpless, no one can give me strength, but those who rest in you will be granted fresh oil from heaven.

Twenty Something Soon

Sent : Friday, August 1, 2003 12:49 PM
To : emilniz@hotmail.com

hAO hA...reMeBeR MI AnT???LoNg TiMe No CHat WiF u liAO....hW r U ???FiNe aNT???HeHe..I mIsS U u nOE????hWs LiFe NwAdAyS???? fInE???wIsH So N wISH tO hEaR frM u SoON yEaH???ReMmBeR tO rEpplY Mi A S a p K?????gTG BYeZ..tAkE CaRe yeAh???ByEz

Just read an old mail when I'm clearing my emails today. 2 years ago... just started my private school life, that time still play abit of irc with my sec school friends.. those were the days... playful... and happening... know nothing... just want to have fun.. thats all. But in the same year... things started to change my mindset... and force my mind to think far....

Recently alot of things flooded my mind, just like ocean rise... I've been thinking alot of things... but I can't find any ans.

I'm starting to think for my future, worried about myself, my life... my 21st birthday next year... "what for worry for your birthday? Siao ta bo..." Nah.. I have lots of aim to acheive before my 21st birthday...

No no no... nothing can stop me... I really have too much things to do... and I'm not telling anyone. "Oh yea? Then YOU are a selfish person." Hey... I'm abit stressed out... can you stop pressuring me you idiot? What's there to share when nobody can really help me? After all... I will get all the teasing from people. "Hey... did I ever tease you before?" Not you... but believe me... humans are humans. Well.. I really need time to improve on myself...

I will be back to my office tomorrow... "Good morning AQSM." Answering calls... doing all kinds of secreterial, admin, IT and General jobs. *Yawn...* I love to work... but I need more time for myself. Time is so precious. Maybe I should create a jail for myself. I'm tired.