Pulled

Just when things started to change... something happened. I dun exactly know what happened.

It is always so easy to say, but who knows how hard is it for me in my situation?

Do you know what is physical tiredness? Do you? It's always so easy to say.

I'm just a young adult, just starting to step out a little closer to reliaty, not that close and not that far. I dun even have time to cut my own hair for inspection, it's easy for people who is much more free than me to lecture people.

Ok I better stop complaining, conclusion is still myself... I still need to be strech even more.

I will make it. With His help.

Killing Myself

The greatest enermy is myself.

Kill myself. I will be killed soon.

I will not talk again... until I'm killed.

The War Against Tiredness

Taking part a BOWLING COMPETITION at 2.30pm today! NS TRACOM vs Civil Defence. CHEERS!

Hello guys! I'm back... the reason why I kept quiet for so long ermm... ya those who know me well enough... I'm sure you will know what's going on in my life right now. Oh well... if you do not know, then maybe you just know me as Emil not a close friend ya?

Okie cut the joke... but I still think it make sense.

Recently everyone is feeling tired and I'm starting to know why singaporeans is always so tired. Myself is a good example, came back at about 8pm, after bath and dinner 9pm... after checking blogs and emails 9.45pm.. yeah I usually received lots of mail everyday. After that take a fast break, 10pm, after devotion 10.30pm (Usually)... then chit chatting with friends on the phone about 11+ or sometimes 12+ but usually 11+... I wanted to do more... to read more books and stuffs, to listen to sermons and upgrade myself but I just fell asleep with my pc on and stuffs on the table. Wasting electricity...

I have outside commitment, church commitment... this week... it burns my night time!!! Almost every single night!! Imagine I'm shifting to HTA in chua chu kang... I'll probably come back at 8.30pm or even later!

I'm tired... but I'm happy... my life is getting exciting yet I still have lots of things to breakthrough. I still can't win the war with my physical tiredness... the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, especially after my trainee day, my sleeping time is more disciplined. After 12+ automatically will fall asleep, not like last time 3+ am or 4+ am still must force myself to sleep!

I'm feeling helpless but I know only God can make a way in my life, Lord, I'm helpless, no one can give me strength, but those who rest in you will be granted fresh oil from heaven.

Twenty Something Soon

Sent : Friday, August 1, 2003 12:49 PM
To : emilniz@hotmail.com

hAO hA...reMeBeR MI AnT???LoNg TiMe No CHat WiF u liAO....hW r U ???FiNe aNT???HeHe..I mIsS U u nOE????hWs LiFe NwAdAyS???? fInE???wIsH So N wISH tO hEaR frM u SoON yEaH???ReMmBeR tO rEpplY Mi A S a p K?????gTG BYeZ..tAkE CaRe yeAh???ByEz

Just read an old mail when I'm clearing my emails today. 2 years ago... just started my private school life, that time still play abit of irc with my sec school friends.. those were the days... playful... and happening... know nothing... just want to have fun.. thats all. But in the same year... things started to change my mindset... and force my mind to think far....

Recently alot of things flooded my mind, just like ocean rise... I've been thinking alot of things... but I can't find any ans.

I'm starting to think for my future, worried about myself, my life... my 21st birthday next year... "what for worry for your birthday? Siao ta bo..." Nah.. I have lots of aim to acheive before my 21st birthday...

No no no... nothing can stop me... I really have too much things to do... and I'm not telling anyone. "Oh yea? Then YOU are a selfish person." Hey... I'm abit stressed out... can you stop pressuring me you idiot? What's there to share when nobody can really help me? After all... I will get all the teasing from people. "Hey... did I ever tease you before?" Not you... but believe me... humans are humans. Well.. I really need time to improve on myself...

I will be back to my office tomorrow... "Good morning AQSM." Answering calls... doing all kinds of secreterial, admin, IT and General jobs. *Yawn...* I love to work... but I need more time for myself. Time is so precious. Maybe I should create a jail for myself. I'm tired.

Lack of time

Most of the time I came back at about 8 something after work and next time probably will be at about 9+. TRACOM is shifting to Chua Chu Kang, and that means I must wake up even earlier.

I dun have much of my own time, for self study, for self upgrading... and no time to exercise too. Duh... need to go to work now...

Who am I?

Just now I called two persons to clarified something... two diffrent things on diffrent incidents.

A guy and a gal.

The guy is one of my very good friend, I invested alot on him... I gave everything I know to him.. maybe to him is little, but that's just the little I know.

Sometimes I wonder if I say the truth... will it affect our relationship? I hope not... because.. I really care for him, as a real friend... if not... I think I wouldn't say anything. I'm proud of him and I know he will continue to make me even more proud than before in the future...

The gal... one of my old friend... I listened to her... and probably that's the last time to listen... because I guess it has come to an end. Everything will be alright... In her days ahead... I guess I shall not talk about it again, all the best to her new challenges ahead.

After so many stories... after so many comments I gave... now it's time for me to look at myself... I'm having a good life in TRACOM... everyday is a happy day... really hope that I can shine for Him everyday in my workplace. I begin my serving once again and I wanted to resume my self study again.

A peaceful period of life... but tonight... after hearing two stories.. I begin to wonder... now... myself.... I'm back to my own story... I still need to face it again... there are really diffrent parts of me deep inside my heart, I'm kinda playful, serious, talkertive, quiet and so on... though I always joke alot with certain people... but deep inside my heart I felt very dissatisfied... so many things inside I kept to myself... there are so many times I wanted to talk about something that make sense.. but.. just couldn't bring it out.. sometimes... I'll just choose easiest mood and that is joke around and keep myself happy right?

I dun like to be childish, really... please do not discourage me by laughing at me... deep inside my heart is struggling... I have my own stress...it's like especially towards young people I will tend to act like them... just like parents act like kids when they talk to kids. I felt more enjoyed when I talk "make sense" thingy with people... yup...

Well... after caring so much about what others feel... it's time for me to leave everything to God... I think my attitude towards life is more important... So.. ya... time to sleep... gotto work OT tomorrow till 10... a long day... I just hope everything will be alright tomorrow... Goodnight.

3rd week of October

Okie... time for me to talk again... wow man... what a busy week... what a "packed" week. This week is quite a happening week.

I'll start from my job, I have young and pretty civillian supervisor. She's a AQSM (Assistant Quality Service Manager), she will be doing most of the things in the dept. Basically, we have to deal with three things:

1. SSS (Im dealing with the administration job for this sugguestion system)

2. WITS (Im dealing with the administration job for this project for officers)

3. Innovation (Creative invention from officers, basically I have to be creative in order to assist my supervisor in pushing this event/project and that includes creating website...)

4. Store (She is in charge of one of our TRACOM store too, and our office is inside the store... though she have another SA to run the store but when nobody is around, I have to help them to look after the store. So it is somekind of store assistant job.)

Most of the time I will be sending lots of emails, printing emails, file them in order and I need to attend meetings at times to do MOM (Minutes of Meeting).

Anyway... It's a rojak job scope, or you can call it "General Work". At times I need to carry things, sell things in carnival or other events at outdoor, you know what? That means, I might need to go back on weekends! But luckily we can claim our OT.

Well my sis say something about she's so call the pianist for the chinese baptism service, and you know what? I'm the backup of chinese baptism, from the day I baptise till now I have been singing for chinese baptism service anually. Haha... I'm quite happy today, the baptism service is fun. Have been singing from morning till evening, leading worship tomorrow... think I'll continue my happening things some other day. Goodnight.

What is general saying?

I'm on SA (Staff Assistance) course, found out something... SA job scope is very wide, basically we are to do all the admin and secreterial jobs like checking and replying mails, checking and replying e-mails, filling, minutes of meeting. Well, dun think that is all for us... No.. we still need to handle general works and all kinds of unexpected jobs like washing car, dispatch or even letter delivery job.

Ocassionally, we still need to go for patrol if they need people. Rojak job scope. Intresting eh? Hope I will be posted to a good department.

By the way... just received the staff pass for police academy, with that pass... life will be much more better. Don't ask me why... Haha..

Let me talk abit tonight, now it's about 1.55am...

I realise that our lives can be very diffrent... and sometimes diffrent paths can drift us apart. I always think that we must treasure our friendships, it's good to exchange testimonies and talk abit at times.. I find it quite fun.. maybe it's exciting to see friends becoming diffrent everytime we meet.

And that is why I publish this blog, we can exchange stories and talk all I want... it's not specifilly for a group of people... but it's for everyone... sometimes... I wonder, what is my purpose of writting? Who is my targeted audience? Hmm.... Should be me, myself and you.

Maybe through words.. it is easier for us to express ourselves, in a directly or indirectly way... It is nice to take the pics of our growing proccess in this reliaty world. It's fun to look back...

My sayings is simplified for all... maybe one day God will tell me who is my targeted audience... who knows?

Girls United

Tonight... I want to spend some of my times talking about gers..

So how should I start? Hmm.. good question... should start from my elder sister, a sweet lady with a noble flavour and yet decent. She is a pianist with a soft heart or should I say sensitive to God.

That day in the late afternoon... I observed her hands lifted up to God, totally surrender to him that day.. she look desperate... for God of course.

Gals are emotional... therefore.. they can be much more sensitive at times.

Outwardly... she looks childish... or maybe was I the one who light up her childishness... at times she will jump with me... heheh... Okie... anyway now she look much more mature than before. When she talk about serious thing.. you can sense her age.. Okie.. thats what I really want to talk about.

Girls are all mature (yet childish) inside... they look childish... while guys look more mature outside but inside struggling in fire.

Anyway.. RY thanks for your demostration... hahaa...

back to the topic... do you think guys are united among themself? Think carefully...

I'm going through the fire stage... well whatever you gals will call it... growing stage? Maturization age? Or dunno what thing... heard from my OC today.. even he himself near to the age of 30 is struggling with this kind of things.

I know... things is starting to change... guys.... guys... guys..

No More

It's time for me to speak again, I kinda miss my notorious squad. I actually wanted to publish our lovely photos at tracom... our happy yet stressful days! Our barrack photos is really intresting, you guys very seldom will see me with my singlet right? Haha.. too bad I am not allowed to publish them.

Let me spend sometime to conclude my life after BPT.

I started off very stressful back to the prep course days and I showed my temper to some of my friends when I'm off duty. Sorry... Well, I'm basically quite weak in everything but luckily in the end... I think I did quite a good job. I'm good at shooting, I'm a marksman and I think through out the whole course.. shooting is the best!

Since young I long to carry a gun, so one of my childhood dreams fulfilled. Since young I always wanted to become a police. Haha.. but when I have grown up.. no more... but anyway.. another childhood dream fulfilled!

Well back to the topic.. I've learn to be even more humble after BPT and treat every part of my life as a challange. Used to have alot of my own mindsets... but now no more... Used to be very afraid of scoldings now no more... It's just like listening to orders... simple as that.. job scopes stuff... ya...

I was once away from reliaty and now I'm back again.

I have alot to catch up.

I am no more.

Passing Out Parade

As we go on, we remember All the times we had together And as our lives change Come whatever, We will still be friends forever -Friends Forever - Vitamin C

It's time for us to say goodbye... nonono... we will still see each other until thursday..

Freedom Month

My family is in oversea now and I'm alone at home, my brother didn't join them.

Think my brother is afriad of quietness and I am those that needs to be alone at times. Especially at home, You know sometimes I need to recharge myself, need to stay quiet a while.

Well.. anyway... that's why he is temp staying in another place, so I'm totally alone. Freedom! My mum didn't control me alot, actually she is a good mum... she gives me alot of freedom to choose what I want, to do what I like, she didn't want me to study much if I dun have the interest... sometimes I'm kinda rude to her, when she becomes naggy. Well that's really my fault... I should really change.. haha..

Anyway... Time really flies, it is just like yesterday I was still a young young boy who was not capable to take care of myself. Now... I have grown up, and this is what I'm waiting for.. wash my own clothes, prepare for my own meal, Iorn my own clothes and hahaha! NO MORE NAGGING FOR A MONTH! WOOOHOO!

A Heart That's Ever True

Dear Emil,

Remember, while Man perceives worth by surveying our external condition, God looks at our hearts. The best gift we can give may not have to be the most expensive, but it would have to cost us something. As in the Widow's Offering in Mark 12, the best gift to God exists in the little that we have.

While your grades do not reflect who you are as a child of God, it serves to aid you in knowing how ready you are for a musical ministry.
Press on! Because God makes us beautiful in His time and in His perfect way.

Remarks:

Emil, your good rhythm sense has enabled you to learn the rhythms readily. Do spend time exploring how you can integrate the rhythms and chord shades into your playing before moving on to AWD2.

Graded by Bernice Loh. (One of my sweet keyboard coach.)

Deeper into my 20s

I am trying to figure out something, I am always a little diffrent from others... as in my learning speed it's not those fast type. Okie.. let me get straight to the point, I might be slow compared to others but at least... I can say that I am a very true person, as in I'm true to people. I'm shock to see the people around me treat love so lightly and people treat their gifts so lightly when they have them.

I need to learn this too.. I might be true to people, but not to everything, with hardwork I know I can do all things.. through christ and I really hope that I can continue to treat everyone with a true heart and I know I need to improve on the way I handle things, doing things etc.

Hopefully after I POP... I will do things more seriously, I know... someone will be watching my every action. So.. I really hope I'll never become those action kind of people, instead I wish I will handle things and my thoughts in a very mature and a very humble way.

I hope... the person who is watching over me all the time will appreciate the things I do more than how people look at me.

I hope.. I hope... I will never change... to be like those person out there. You know there are so many of them.. out there..

Coming to an end?

Life is never easy

We all have our own story to say

We have gone through joy and sad moments

But don't ever let the things around you drag you down

To another person.


If you think you have gone through alot

There's more coming

Dun ever over estimate yourself.


So finally... 5 more weeks to POP and I'm coming back to face the members of the public. I need to pass my final exam in order to come out, please pray for me if you can.

Unique Breakthrough

Quite alot of jokes happened recently, I'll share one with you.

Sir: Hey Emil!

Me: Sir?

Sir: Do you know you have a senior with the same name as you? You also a christian?

Me: Yes sir.

Sir: Yeah same with that Emil, he is a very devoted christian. He pray very often! Are you that devoted? Eh.. dun think so, look at your pervert eyes.

Strange... I thought Emil Chow is the only one who has the same name as me.

October Freedom/Release

October is approaching... I'm going to be free soon.

I owe you guys a treat.

This day will be the happiest day of my life so far.

You better show up on the POP day or... hmm... our friendship will be somehow affected! Haha..

But still... something is missing. Missing.

Look What You've Done

Gals... say that to him if he is not true to you.

Look What You've Done
Jet

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won´t sing for you
´Cause all that´s left has gone away
And there´s nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you´ve done
You´ve made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
´Cause I just can´t think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you´ve done
You´ve made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Oh, look what you´ve done
You´ve made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won´t sing for you
´Cause all that´s left has gone away
And there´s nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you´ve done
You´ve made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Oh, look what you´ve done
You´ve made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone A fool of everyone

The Reason

Gals... will you forgive him if he say these to you?

Hoobastank: The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

A better life

I've gone through my happiest day of my life outside the camp recently.

I'm abit outdated in my current world because I'm in another world in weekdays. I'm happier as in I dun need to bother about the outside world, but then again... I dun have much freedom inside.

Still I hope to come out as soon as possible, because I choose to be free.. and when I'm free... hopefully... things will be better.

It is improving.

Treasure

Okie... I'm not allowed to leak information related to the force, so I'll talk about something else.

Just read my cousin's blog about grandpa, in my mind he is still alive, in the tea area... look so powerful... I can't really accept his sudden death. I recalled that he likes to talk to my cousin, he would smile in almost every conversation with my cousin, it's a golden smile.

I wanted to tell him that I've grown up, to tell him that he is someone I respect alot. If only he is still alive.

That day... I was one of the few to see him go, I told myself he was still alive at that moment just like what others thought. But my dad told me that he is gone forever, the breathing in the dead body was just the hospital machine functioning inside his dead body.

about 7 years have passed, time flies... and now I'm already in my ns. I dun trust people easily, it really takes time for me to trust my bunkmate. I have a few good brothers inside, even so... I always have the thinking that after we POP we will have our own seperate ways to go and we'll be drifted away slowly. So many people treat friendship so lightly and no one will be there for us forever because one day we'll have to go.

After my ns I'm going to visit my relatives in China and USA, I want to know my relatives, I want to visit my home, China.

Life is short, treasure everyone... everything... before it is too late.

"What have you done will make a fullest everyone." Heard this song in my eating corner in camp.

Important days 14 May 2004 & 6 April 2005...Impacts of my life. Just want to remind myself. I'll always remember these 2 important days of my life. Oh btw... Looking forward to my POP in 3 months time. Want to get out of there as soon as possible. Job course will start next week, I'll be staying there for 10 days. Hope that everything will be better, please pray for me.

Days with hair


Ah.. smiling with freedom!













My younger bro and me














My younger brother's sis and me. Hahaha... not funny.


I kinda miss my hair, these photos are all taken from the malacca retreat. Heard a rumour from people, do you know why we have to cut botha hairstyle before we go in to ns? That's because we will lose our confident when we are botha, we will lose our pride and everything.

Even myself find it hard to understand this kind of saying but I remember a incident, I grew up in a gangster enviroment as I was a Normal Tech student in my secondary school days. There was this handsome beng (gangster), very daring, very confident, like to keep his hair long, he won't cry no matter how many times my discipline master caned him. To him public caning is nothing and because of this he always misbehave himself in school but one day, my discipline master caught him not keeping his hair short and he cut a hole in his hair... guess what? He cried for the first time.

So funny... You might be thinking, the true reasons for botha rules in ns are

1. So that we can be fast, no need to care about our hair appearance

2. So that we will all look the same

if that's the case, then why my senior are allowed to keep their hair? They work as a squad too! One more thing, whats the point of make us all the same? To make them harder to regconise who is who? (They really can't regconise the IC they apointed at the first day) One more question... why they cut all prisoners botha? So that they will all look the same too? What's the point right? It will only increase more troubles for themselve.

Once we lose our pride, confident and everything... we will be humble and after they let us have this kind of mentality, after that... even if we are not botha, but we will still be the old botha infront of our superior.

It's a psychology thing... I think.

3rd book out

I'm back again... mood slightly better, heard that something happened and that makes my life easier.

Hm.. next week is the last week for my prep course, the week after next is my confinement week as I will be going through my police training. Will be learning lots of things, Taekwando, weapons training: melee weapon, rifle and pistol training, life saving for swimming and also we need to study the law modules.

How's everyone? I have been very self centered these few weeks... so sorry... I hope after I post out, I can still be your blessing... ok? See you..

Loneliness

Loneliness is feeling my heart right now as I'm preparing for my second book in, I hate this kind of feeling... It's hard to explain, it's like going in to one of the cell in the prison once again. I know when I step in to the place again, I am no more myself again, I belongs to the police force every single min till the eating and sleeping time.

No one is with me now, I have to take my leave... just me... and God.

Looking forward to my next bookout. See you guys again.

Toughest Life Yet

If you happen to see me, or even chat with me on msn... please do not try to make me mad. I'm sorry, I dun sound nice.. and I can't bring myself to be nice... so... ya please do understand.

Who can understand my life now? Hmm.. maybe some NS guy can... but this kind of thing is very personal. No one is with you, I have to help myself, I am all alone. I have to endure to the end...

Go ahead and laugh if you want, just dun laugh infront of me.. can? Please.. I'm not trying to be dramatic or what... or act or whatever you want to say... just.. If I dosen't sound nice.. please forgive me... for I'm going through my toughest part of life. This is life, my life.

Last words

Okie I'm going in to police academy tomorrow.. so I'll be missing a while. Promise myself again... must be more mature when I come out... cool and mature! :P So now, let me spend sometime on my last words before I go in.


God is in control/God's beautiful creation

Things will only come to past after our heavenly father approved it, just want to be thankful to Him.. for preventing something to happen, guess I will lose something valuable if He allows.

So why do bad things still happen? It is to prevent something even worst from occuring. Let just say all the people that participates in the bad incidents are saving you from falling into a bigger hole.

So no matter what happens, give thanks to Him..

I'm going to spend something to talk about my keyboard coach, though she is just my make up lesson coach... but I find her very sweet, very sweet looking, with spect and she'll sing songs that we need to play for the lessons... her sound is even more sweet! High pitch tone, with her contemperory way of singing.. I really fell in love with her voice..

I dun like to count the beats when playing music.. but she always say "1 and 2 and 3 and 4 E and A" and the sound is like so cute... that makes me like counting. Haha... okie... anyway she told me "veryyy goood" for my piano presentation. Praise God.. byebye sweet coach.. hope I can see you in the future course I taking.

Anyway.. just admire this kind of girl.. thats all.. dun anyhow think... haha.. just felt very amazing with God's creation!

Drama Experience

Drama stories come from real life, as I grow... I started to hear, see and even experience things we see from drama. There are alot of things I want in life right now so badly, I love so much, I miss so badly and I haven't own them yet... but at least... nothing reject the things I invested. At least it is not a no for me to reach what I want, what I desire....

There's one thing I think it's nice to have in drama, we see true friendship... even when someone didn't appreciate what you invested, they still love them.. I have yet to experience it, but I know it exist in this present day. How nice!

Remaining free period

This is my last week to relax...

There is a piano test in two weeks time and after that day... I'll be away for a while....

I'm enlisted for ns, going in to the police force in 14th June. So make sure you dun threaten me or attack me, it is a very serious offence.

Just joking...

It's another stage of life.

My reputation as a guy


Girls... I'm quite a nice guy k?

There is this toilet I need to go everyday in my workplace, it is a very nice toilet... clean and tidy... also you will see a signboard that is specially made for kids I think, its located at the top of the toilet bowl. It says "Boys, please do not mess up the toilet. Please aim accurately."

Hey! I'm the only guy in the office k! Hai.. gers... so insensitive. Not all the guys are like that okie? As if I mess up the toilet bowl before.. sigh...


It's my reputation

Female Colleague (Teacher): See Lian, you want me to buy anything back?

Female Colleague 2 (PA): Yes, anything.

Female Colleague (Teacher): Okie... I have a class to teach at 4pm, So I need to buy back my lunch now. Emil, you want anything?

Me: No thanks... I prefer to eat outside.

Female Colleague (Teacher): Oh... I dun... coz there are quite alot of "things"

Emil: What thing?

Female Colleague (Teacher): Too much... nan ren (guys), that day one of the guys in the coffeeshop was smiling at me.. he thought I was looking at him!

Female Colleague 2 (PA): LOL! You are too pretty...

Female Colleague (Teacher): No.. anyway if we have more than one girl in the group, then those guys normally will not stare at us.

Me: Haha... ("Guys... guys... guys... stop throwing my face.")

Missing Fears


My Workdesk, hehe... taking photos infront of my boss in office hours. Other staffs were discussing the work, I was facing the pc monitor too... they thought that I'm working. Haha..

I'm working in a very famous company "Match Teach" as a IT Admin cum Clerk cum General work staff, you can find lots of testimonies in the media. Saw the newspaper today? World bookfair, previous year... the response for our products was very good! Yeah.. My focus is in the exhibition work, need to create some sort of advertisment for them.

By the way, let me tell you more about my boss "Alice" she is the author of the 5 volumes famous Math Teach book. Also the founder of Match Teach tution centre and she conducted quite alot of seminars to guide parents what is the right way to teach math. Talking about this... you know primary school math is really tough nowadays... I look through the questions and I can answer none! My boss say even a U graduate might failed the primary school exam paper. It's terrible.. should thank our mum. Haha... you know some questions can use simultaneous equation to solve it! Of course.. we should't teach primary school students to use that formula, we must help them to understand.

Her way of teaching is really unique, even me... who really hates math alot... can understand her teaching. She is also training teachers for her own tution centre, she took about 2 years to train a teacher.. wow... that's really long.. but I believe all her teachers is as good as her.

Just feel very amazing for me to work there. Why?

1. I went there for sales job but they told us that they need a IT admin too, just nice I wanted to gain some experience in this area.

2. There were alot of U graduates and A level graduates and I'm the first one to be employed.

3. I'm not that good in IT.

4. I'm not the creative kind.

5. It is a Math school and I hate Math.

6. I dun like teachers since young, because they are the one who stress me up. (btw it's nice working with them.)

7. The boss agreed to hire me more than a week.

8. The lady boss (not married) is very nice to her staffs, I really respect her alot.

9. I dun feel left out though I'm the only guy in the office.

10. They trust me.

11. My boss shouted "hallelujah!" when she received good news.

So can you give me a reason why they employed me? (Look up to the sky.)

IT Job

I got a IT job! Thank God! Its another IT job... not the one I mentioned earlier...

I went there for sales job breifing for world book fair, and they told me they need IT staff. Just nice!

I told God that I can't wait, need the answer by this week and my prayer is answered this morning... I'm under provasion for one week, if Im not good enough they will just kick me off. Haha... I believe I can do it!

Healthy Gossip

Me: Hey Sis... so what's the gossip about me you spread?

Sis: Finally... You talk to me!

Me: ...

Sis: You are in a growing stage.

Me: What?

Sis: You getting in to the society and I can sense that you are becoming diffrent, not the cute boy I knew before.

Me: Sometimes I just purposly act cute infront of you, actually I am not that childish.

Sis: I know you can be cute infront of others, but deep inside your heart is changing. Becoming more mature, it's a growing process... I really hope you won't change to the worst because now is crucial stage and a confusing stage. You will struggle to choose what you want to become and things like that.

Still.. I want to thank this sis of mine, maybe she is right? Something just trigger me to change.. At least she can sense it. Thank you sis.

IT Job?

Okie.. enough about the sad thing tonight, so I'm writting my third entry for tonight...

I just found a IT job... Surprisingly!

You know this is my "speciality", haha... I still need to go for the interview, but I have confidence that I can make it... Anyway... I always feel very lacking in this area, many people was shocked that I am educated in IT school... I know... I'm close to be an IT idiot. But... I still have exp in those software thingy k? I'm not that bad after all... just not that good. Haha... okie.. fine to those who think I am covering for myself.

But nowadays... it is not easy to find an IT job, if I really can get it... then I think it is really a blessing from heaven. It's really good for an IT fresh graduate to gain exp for IT line. All the best to myself tomorrow. :)

Hate

Okie last entry I wrote about my feelings for this old blog of mine, now instantly I'm writting another entry. You must be wondering why I am feeling so emotional to my blog tonight right? Okie... Because most of the time I will have alot to say when something bad happened, after I spit out words that are trapped deep inside of this heart of mine... I'll feel alot better.

First... Thanks for cooling me down, you know who you are. :)

Someone make me very angry tonight, and before that... I am still pitying that person, is my heart too soft? Or that person just dunno how to appreciate me? I didn't say I'm very good or what.. I'm not perfect! He is forcing me to harden my heart, he is forcing hatred coming in to my heart!

Maybe you guys dunno me well enough, in the past... there's none I fear... not even my dad! Not even my bro, my friends... If I'm not happy.. I'll just fight them all, yes physcially.

And even right now.. this kind of characteristic is still inside of me, just that now I am more timid and I can control myself more. I must say no one can easily make me mad, but someone... is really good at making me mad.. and when I'm mad thats it! I'll die together with the other person...

Nonono... I should't have say this kind of thing, of course... Jesus can stop me from doing this kind of thing... but I just felt that there's a war happening deep inside of me. That person makes me shivers... with anger.. and he is the only one right now at my late youth. I have to deny myself.

Belated The Black Road's 3rd Anniversary Night

My blog is about 1 and a half years old since I published online. Hmm.. I know I am abit lazy, didn't decorate much and I didn't insert the tag board. I hope I'll do it one day.

First I would like to say blog is not my diary or what, it is just a place for me to talk, whether you accept it or not... I can raise up my views and things like that, k... it might not be right, but at least there are readers of my views.

I want to thank you guys... for reading my views and stuffs all these years. Hmm.. so let me celebrate my blog's birthday today, okie I know it is abit too late... but still I think I should celebrate... Happy Brithday to The Black Road Happy Birthday To You!!!

Thanks for reading, some of my buddies... like lost contact, if you are still reading my blog.. just want to say I won't forget you and thank you for everything.

The Black Road - Till the day I leave this place, Till the day of eternity, Till the day I complete the journey of.... "The Black Road" you will read the last chapter of my days in The Black Road. See you in heaven?

Guitar dream

Hey do I look nice that day on the stage? Standing up on the stage with the guitar... I am the big star that day in the wedding. Ooops... Just joking...

My guitar sounds okay? Guess so... many people give me positive comments.. anyway... guitarist is always the coolest supporting role i think... though many might not agree.

I've waited for so long.. After Michelle's wedding till now how many months have passed? I forgot... but I dun always get the chance to play it. I'm really happy.

I love doing supporting role, just like the cool supporting archer in the "some" show.

I dun need people to notice me, I love to support... but I think in reliaty we can't choose what we want.

Requirement

If only I'm taller, she might consider dating me. That's what she told Fiona. If only I'm taller, I might be more popular... But who cares? Haha... I dun need to be popular.

Hm... I dun flirt with girls, maybe that's a + to her but most of the time girls will appreciate more to those guys who will flirt, those abit naughty type.

That's how one of my bro managed to date with her.

But I still want to be taller, dun get me wrong... I'm not interested to date her, just... I think as a guy, we should reach certain height.

I really dun desire to be popular... God knows.

Can I be taller?

A new life

So everything is over... Just before I wanted to relax, I found a new challenge. I did promise myself to be a new Emil after my studies. Not only
transformed physcially but mentally.

Today is the day... Today is the time... Now is the time... For me to change... For me to change... For me to change.... For me to change.... For me to change.... Yes... I want to change... I want to change... Heh...

Im an adult. Have to remind myself... always have alot of sis treat me like a younger brother, even people same age with me, or some even younger than me... Some say guys are childish, some say guys are not acting their role, some say Im just innocent. Whatever it is... I've gone through a terrible lesson today... Just happened 1+ hours before now.

Maybe no one can understand my feelings now, trust me it is very uncomfortable and discouraging. Hmm... I just finished my studies... I think now is a great time to start, a new start... so it is time for me to wake up.

Today is the day... Today is the time... Now is the time... For me to change... For me to change... For me to change.... For me to change.... For me to change.... Yes... I want to change... I want to change... Heh...

Chalet with Bedokviewens and New friends

Haha.. Just came back from the funniest chalet I've ever seen. We ate Canadian Pizza for our dinner. Through the friends from the st john side in my sec school days, I made some new friends. They are those very wild kind of girls and hmm.. all my friends was like shocked to see that kind of people in the chalet, never expect this kind of girls would appeared to us in the chalet. Well.. I think our ah beng friend enjoyed the company very much.

I think those wild girls were good in those kind of pole dance, but actually I didn't really enjoyed that moment... Hmm.. maybe it was abit too much, too sexy for girls to dance that way. But.. that's just my opinion, anyway I have no right to say anything. Hmm.. also I think the talk was abit "too open" and hmm.. I dun think that's very good... ermm.. ya that's just my opinion.

Overall... I really enjoyed the company, it's good to make all kinds of friends and even our ah beng, though last time he was not that beng... but really I think it's good to mix around with all kinds of people. That's why I purposly take photo with them, it's really good to know them and NOT because they are attractive. Anyway, they are attractive... But, I have my stand.. ya.. I think hmm.. I can't be that "Open" to stay overnight with them. Hope you know what I mean... dun get me wrong.. no offence to those who is probably sleeping now at the chalet by this time.

Ya btw... you know who you are, I dun think it is good to outcast yourself from the group. Since we are there.. we must as well get to know everyone right?

Ya one more thing... I think Micheal is nice, glad that I can know him more today.

Keep in touch! Boys and gers!

Awake from yesterday

Im awake from yesterday,

just like a dream...

just like a story...

just like I am drunk with emotions...

I'm awake... I'm awake... It's strange... it's really strange.... I dun think anyone will believe me... It dosen't really matter anymore... I'm back... And once again I see the sun shine again as I skip my school today. I think it is worth it for me to take a rest. Well... thanks for listening... After all I dun think you understand what I'm saying. Heh...

Failed to Install Again

Computers hates to co-operate with humans, one day humans will get it if we continue to develop all our hope in this high tech stuff.

Hmm... I am feeling very helpless right now, Now I must try my luck in school and I dun even know when the class is available. Duh... somemore it takes 1 hr plus for me to reach my school.

God... please help me, this is my last term.

Hunger for magic

Getting tougher and tougher... but there are much more waiting at the back.

The future is ringing at my mind, every moment, every min, may the hunger for magic ends.

I hope when I enter into the new realm of life, I can tell myself, I haven't waste any of my time.

Hmm... Wanted get this book for myself "Twenty Something".

April: End of the 1st stage

My studies is coming to an end on april, Im feeling excited for my new stage of life.

Hmm... there are so many dreams for me to chase after, so many goals I have set for myself... yes I'll reach the finishing line!

In april you will see a new physical Emil (hopefully my mind will be more positive too), hopefully... someday... we will have the chance to be together in the camp, in the outside world to fight again. Hopefully after my NS I will still be the same Emil you want me to be, okie... maybe a bit more matured and smart? Hehee... tomorrow will be a better day. :)

Let it all be done, before the world ends.

Explore the heart

Imagine a large empty room. The walls are white and featureless. There is a wooden writing desk in the middle of this room, and on this desk you can see a few reams of writing paper, a ruler, and a black fountain pen.A man is seated in front of this desk. His name is not Edmund. He does not remember his name. He does not even know how he came to be in this room. There are no doors, no windows. A feeding tube protrudes from one wall. A squatting toilet has been placed on the opposite wall. The room is otherwise completely empty.What would you do if you were the man in front of the desk? Would you look through the desk drawers? Would you smash the toilet with the desk? Try to escape through it? Search the walls for weak spots? Break the feeding tube? Or would you sit down and start to write or draw, as the unknown intelligence who placed you in the room has clearly intended for you to do? How long would you resist doing so? What would you do if you were a woman?And, assuming that all attempts to escape were futile, what would you write? What would you draw?The answer, I think, may be the beginning of a very interesting journey.Shall we think about it?

(Extracted from Lim Kee Min, the Author of "The Broad Thighs of Justice [Lite]" For more information of my favourite Blog writer or to read his blog, find and click the link under my Young Adults category)

Hmm... I think that is going to make me very annoyed, especially I am that kind that can't settle down myself, I'm too active. If I can't escape then I'll write a physical blog, write some songs, direct a movie or maybe a drama for myself? Or maybe I'll presume that I am a somekind of undercover who was captured by some bad guys with high tech stuffs, maybe nuclear warheads, maybe somekind of new drugs, they erased the memories in my brain using those high tech stuffs... "My girl is waiting for me out there! I gotto get out of here!" Sounds familiar... Hollywood or those Hong Kong movies...

Bug's Occupation

Hmm... Just wrote quite alot of things but all is gone now. Black out. It is in the afternoon but my house is dark. Dark dark house, just finish clearing the bugs that nearly infested my whole house, one of their favourite hiding... our sofa... thats the darkest area.

Darkest mind, secret space, let it all be cleared too.

Happy Chinese Lunar New Year!

A new year, A new start

My school just move to the new jurong campus, from bedok to jurong.. oh dear... Have to get up very early... Okie better than the sec sch students around 7 in the morning must reach school. Haii... no more air con in the classrooms... (used to have air con in my old school)

Hmm... life is much much better now... I find it easier to manage my mood nowadays. Well... dun even know it is because deep inside of my heart is much more stronger or just the enviroment brings me the atmosphere of peace.

Anyway... thats the reason that I stop writting for quite sometime... Hmm... dun get me wrong.. now I'm absolutely fine. Hmm.. just wan to say I miss you guys... I miss the days that we were so close, that we had fun together so often... Well... continue to stay in touch! Here's my regards!

R
E
G
A
R
D Emil
S To Everyone.